Desire as Our Guiding Light

The Union Path Podcast - Desire as Our Guiding Light
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I've been thinking a lot lately about desire, about honing in on what do we actually want.

What should we do? Where should we go? How do we know when we're on the right track and how do we know when we're off?

Where's the guidance? Where's the wisdom? Where's the clarity? Seas of confusion, can be so, uncomfortable, and feel intractable.

So many times in life, we can be lost in these journeys, when we've completely lost the thread on, what are we doing? Why are we doing this?

What is this in service of. Where are we going? We're off the map. We're wandering. We're looping.

Walking in circles, so often encountering the same people, the same circumstances, the same situations over and over again. Like we're trapped in a rerun of our own life.

We know we want something different, we can feel it, deep inside, there's a conflict. But it's really unclear how to reconcile it.

That's the rub, right? It's one thing to recognize a problem, it's quite another to identify a solution,

and then it's quite another thing to actually implement the solution, and then it's quite another thing to have the self-awareness, to know if that solution was actually effective.

So what happens? We ended up lost. We ended up confused.

And the sad thing is, when we end up in these places, often enough, predictably enough, we lose hope.

We lose our grasp on the through line of our life. We lose meaning, we lose fulfillment. We lose hope.

So when we find ourselves in these situations, how are we led back? If we feel lost, we feel astray, how do we find our way, our way home?

Our way back up some sense of direction of some sense of peace and the path that we've chosen, that we walk every day.

How do we indeed? Well, I believe, especially as Americans, our culture gives us pretty much one choice.

We find our way back to the right path through responsibility. If we're off track, if we're lost well, we're just not trying hard enough.

We're just not doing the right things. Maybe we're quitters. Maybe we're scared. Maybe we're shy.

Maybe we're somehow reluctant or reticent to stand up for ourselves. It's an issue of confidence.

It's an issue of knowing. It's an issue of courage, sticktuitiveness. We're just not tough enough. We're not hard, we're not strong.

We're not waking up early enough, we're not doing enough. We're not enough. I'd like to suggest a counterpoint to this perspective.

Because anyone, or, perhaps not anyone, for a lot of people who've tried these solutions, and been left not only still fairly hopeless, but pretty burned out too.

Exhaustion, it's not a panacea. Sure, maybe we can drop our anxiety down a little bit, but it doesn't actually really fix anything. It's not actually really that useful.

So, what do we do? Well, The way I like to think about it is, let's do a thought experiment. Let's say, for argument's sake, let's accept the belief that we're here for a reason.

That we actually have a path. Let's start there.

Because if we start with the belief that life is just random chaos, and we're just constantly running from spin cycle to spin cycle,

trying to get through life by sequestering as many resources and taking as little damage as possible, eh, I don't know, that's not very interesting.

So if we start from the perspective of we're actually here for a reason, and there actually is a purpose for our existence,

there actually is a reason and a justification for our struggle. If we start from the place that not only are we here for a reason, but we are in the place we are in this moment for a reason,

everything we've done, we've done for a reason, everything we will do, we, we will do for a reason.

There is order, a plan, but not the way we usually think about these words it does not rigid. It's a framework, it's an extension into the future based on where we currently are.

So if we start from the assumption that, there is a plan, and perhaps it's a plan that we made before we came here,

but there is a plan, there is an order, there are processes, there are things we can rely on. It's not random chaos,

it's a complex system that has so many variables in it then when we try to look at in its totality, it appears to be random chaos.

But on a moment by moment basis, there are relationships, there is a flow to it. So, how do we find our way to this flow?

So if there is a plan, then you wouldn't think it'd be very fair that we were dropped here with no way to know whether or not we're on plan or off plan.

That doesn't seem very fair and it doesn't seem very fair to be dropped off in the wilderness with no knowledge of the area,

no maps, no compass, no nothing, to just be set loose to wander. So if we take these two assumptions, that we're here for a reason, and there are wayfinding tools,

How would that perhaps look? Well, human beings have been around for a while, so you would have to think that,

especially when it comes to these wayfinding tools, it would have to be inborn. It would have to be something that not only we were born with, but we could never actually lose.

It was permanent, almost like a sense organ. And sure sense organs can be damaged, that's not really what I'm talking about,

I'm not talking about all the ways that this could break down and not work, let's talk about in from kind of where we started, how this potentially could work.

So if we have a sensory organ that basically tells us, in sort of a binary way, but with levels to it, on path off path, right way wrong way, right wrong, what would that look like?

Well, let's start from the basis of it wouldn't come from other people.

Because that is seemingly, chaotic and random. What people we run across. Now, in the grand scheme of things, there is an order to it,

seemingly, but let's just assume that it's not on other people to tell us, are we going the right way or wrong way? Because that is too dependent on these other people.

And there's too much margin for error because what happens when people lie to you? What happens when even well-meaning people don't actually know you,

don't actually know your path, don't actually know, what you even want, what makes you feel good, what makes you feel bad, don't even know the basics of you, telling you which way to go?

So if we take other people off the table, and also, I believe cannot be language. Cannot be something we can think about in words, or be told in words.

It's not in a book, it's not advice given, it's not even things translated through culture.

Because, the method of transference, is language. Yet in the scheme of the human animal, language is a fairly new invention.

Definitely written language, but even spoken language. Human beings predated that by a long time.

But then if you take that out on another level of, well maybe human beings don't have a monopoly on guidance, seems to be a case for that,

well then, it can't be language because what would have happened to people before language, what would happen to beings that exist without language?

What happens to human beings before they learn the skills of language? What happens to babies? Are they just loft lost a fend for themselves, completely?

I don't believe that's true. So if it's not other people, and it's not language, what is it?

Well, I would think would need to be some sort of a sense, some sort of a guide that doesn't rely on interpretation in order to be sensed. It's a feeling.

Of course, we add words like good, bad, we interpret feelings, plenty. But from a sensory perspective, feelings don't have to be interpreted to be felt.

They're just feelings. And we can use our incredible minds to interpret feelings however we like, but at the base of it, feelings are feelings,

and we can interpret them however, we will. If we've come here, with a purpose with a plan, with a right path for us,

I believe the main wayfinding tool that we have is through the sense of feeling. And I think, at least has been my experience, that seems to hold true.

When I'm engaging in the right thing, it feels pretty good. When I'm engaging in the wrong thing, it feels pretty bad.

And sure some of this is cultural programming, some of it is habitual. Some of it are just beliefs that I've adopted because either they were handed to me by someone else,

or it seemed like a good idea. But for the most part, I believe at the base level, these feelings are independent of all of that.

There's a knowing, there's a knowing within all of us, that can say, in any given moment, right way wrong way,

towards away, like a magnet that's either attracting or repelling. We can feel it. We know when we're attracted to something, we know when we're repelled by something.

So if we have this sense inside of us, that shows which way to go through life, what would we call that?

I mean feeling it's pretty generic idea, pretty generic word. What would we actually call it to where we can like, understand it for ourselves?

I believe the best word, and it's an imperfect word absolutely, but the best word that I've been able to find is desire.

What do we want? What sounds good? Where do we want to go? What do we want to do? What do we feel like? What feels good? What feels bad?

It's not really that complicated. We make it profoundly complicated. Especially as Americans, we have a really weird relationship with the things we like,

and oftentimes with the things we don't, but there it is. We like what we like. We don't like what we don't like.

We deconstruct and question these likes and dislikes all the time, but what if, instead, we listened?

We didn't immediately reject every desire as bad, and every repulsion as false? What if we actually listen to what if we actually did what we wanted?

And we did what we wanted in a responsible way? There's that responsibility, what if we're both half right?

What if responsibility is half of the puzzle, and what if a more intuitive, feeling, presence based way of existing is the other half, and allow them to play off of each other?

What if we already know our path because we know what feels good and what feels bad? What if moment by moment, we can tell if we're going the right way or the wrong way,

based on how it feels? And what if we granted a little bit of trust to these feelings? And then use our powers of discernment, of interpretation, we used our incredible minds,

in balance with our feelings to try to actually make sense of it? To find the right and responsible path.

It's not either/or, it's yes/and. What if the thing that life has been slowly, gently calling us to do is to listen?

What if all the guidance we could ever need is right at our disposal closer than our fingertips. It's internal, it's inborn.

You were born with it and you can't lose it. It is the one perpetual sense you will have for your entire life.

But oftentimes it's really quiet, right? Especially in times of despair, hopelessness, fear, panic, oftentimes these feelings are subtle.

And oftentimes we can build really strong habits of ignoring these feelings, and doing the other thing anyway.

We can put our head down, we can work harder, we can ignore, we can do the thing that we feel needs to be done,

and tell our feelings, to just be quiet. I've got a job in front of me, I've got something I need to accomplish, and so that's what's happening now.

But then we do that for long enough, and we're back to our sea of confusion, we've become lost because we're ignoring our guidance.

We feel stuck in a repetitive pattern, because that's precisely what we're doing. We're following the well-worn ruts of our beliefs and thinking,

completely ignoring how we feel about any of it. So, how do we find our way? How do we find our way to our path, to where we belong?

We do what feels good, we do what makes sense. We take our feeling and we combine it with what we know about ourselves.

Not only do we need to learn to feel, and listen, but we need to learn how to know ourselves as well.

Sensitive feeling must be combined with deep self-awareness. Both must be fully developed, and held in balance, in order to be effective.

But when we're lost, when we feel hopeless, when we feel confused, when we just find ourselves willfully just putting one foot in front of another,

just trying to get through the day, just trying to get to the next thing, maybe use that as an opportunity to listen if you've been ignoring how your life really feels to you.

Maybe stop doing that or do that a little less.

Because I would bet, if you've been ignoring how your life makes you feel, you've probably abandoned most things that actually make you feel good.

Because how would you know? You would have to be able to feel in order to know what feels good,

so if nothing feels good, what's the point of doing anything? I might as well just get back to work. Or kill some time, or just do whatever I can to get through the day.

What if instead, in those situations, listening became the priority.

What if in those situations, instead of asking yourself, what can I do to get through the day? What can I do to make my day a little more enjoyable?

What can I do to slowly add back the things that I actually care about, and that I actually want to do?

What would it be to actually befriend yourself, and your feelings, and let them show you who you really are, what really matters to you?

What your path really is. Let them lead you back home. Let them illuminate your purpose, your meaning, your path.

Listen to your desires, do what you want, do less of what you don't want. This is where your magnificent mind comes in, no one can tell you how to do that.

That's for you to figure out. But you can, piece by piece, lean one way versus the other. Lean a little more towards joy, and a little less towards suffering, and see where that gets you.

You feel stuck in an area of your life? Find things you can do that make you feel good, and make you feel a little less stuck.

Exercise your agency, you have thousands of choices you make every day, make some new ones.

Try. And when you find something that makes you feel good, keep doing it. And you find ways to do less of things that make you feel bad.

Keep doing less of those things. Seek balance. Seek to feel good, while knowing you're doing the right things.

Seek righteousness, and joy. Not one of the other. You're looking for the combo platter of feels good is good, and keep working your way towards that.

Find your way out, by walking through with a different set of tools. You have all the guidance you could ever need. You have all the clarity you could ever want.

But it has to be exposed, it has to be used. You know, way more than you think. You have way more guidance than you're currently listening to.

Grow in this direction, move toward feeling good. Do more of what you want, less of what you don't want.

Reconfigure your life around the things that actually matter to you. Joy, meaning, fulfillment, you can feel it right? When you ponder those words, what that feels like?

Find ways to create echoes of those feelings in your own life, and that will lead you out. How do you find your way out of the tunnel? Follow the light at the end of it.

You have an inner light within you, that you can attune to, and it will lead you to where you actually want to go and where you actually want to be,

but you have to actually listen. And at times it can feel really uncomfortable, really inconvenient, really off-plan, but what other choice do we have?

We are the light, and the light is us. So the sooner we can acclimate to it and allow it to lead us, the better.

The less time we'll waste, the shorter our path will be, the less suffering we will encounter. We tune into the light, and we let it lead us.

We let it lead us out of this tunnel, and out of every other tunnel we will encounter.