Change Has Its Own Timing
The Union Path Podcast
Change Has Its Own Timing
[0:00:21] John Coleman: Creating change can feel really hard, can feel really difficult. It can feel really complex. It can feel really nuanced to try to intentionally change things in our life. We can try and we can try and we can try only to end up frustrated, only to end up not really getting where we want to go. Only to end up starting just to stop. Sometimes stopping because continuing would just be too too hard or just seems too futile. We're just stopping because we run out of gas. We don't really want this thing as much as we thought we did or we didn't really realize how much work it was going to be and rather choose an easier, more straightforward, simpler path. But the truth is, I believe it's been my experience that every change has its time, every change has its own unique timing. And so when we want to create change, when we want something different, when we want to experience something different, when we want to do something different, even when we want to be something different, I think it's really important to realize that no matter what that change is, it has its own life, it has its own timing, it has its own existence. And what we're trying to do more than force this existence into our lives is really we're actually trying to merge with it. We're trying to merge with the flow heading in the direction of this change and we don't really get anywhere. When we try to maniacally grab onto this flow and force it into our own experience. We find our way to this flow in a much more cooperative way, frankly, in a way that's really marked by more of a sense of ease, more by a sense of allowing, more by a sense of merging with and becoming rather than trying to force anything onto or into our own lives. This can be a difficult truth to sit with especially if we desperately desire change.
[0:02:36] John Coleman: Especially if we really really really want something to be different, maybe wildly different. Those times it can be pretty excruciating just to tolerate the now, just to tolerate what is. Because when our desire is really strong, when our vision is really clear, there's a part of us that just wants to leap forward into that existence. But it's important to understand or it's important to remember that whatever situation we're in, whatever the circumstances we find ourselves in didn't materialize, didn't manifest overnight. There was a process, there was a construction, there was a building process that erected these particular circumstances or created this particular situation. That's the thing about talking about life in terms of a flow. It really is a process. It really is a continuous unfolding that's constantly happening with our access point to it. In the present moment. Existence is constantly unspooling in front of us, passing through our awareness in the present moment all the time. Life unfolds serially kind of like watching a movie. We can't absorb the entire story, the entire plot, all the characters, everything else instantaneously. We have to go through the experience of watching the movie and watching it serially. If we watch the movie out of order, it won't make any sense. If we watch only half of it, we'll miss a good part of not the entire meaning of it.
[0:04:23] John Coleman: We can jump to false conclusions. We can draw erroneous meaning from what we've experienced and what we've witnessed. And when we talk about this idea of actually being present, actually experiencing our lives, one word that pops up quite a bit is patience. When we think about change has its own timing. One way to acquiesce, one way to line up with this awareness is to develop what's called, quote unquote, patience. Basically the art of waiting. But in patience, and especially in waiting, I think we can feel there's still some resistance there. It's like we're doing something against our will. We're tolerating something that we don't actually want in the hopes of it making something that we do want actually happen. But that's not allowing, that's not flowing. That's really pushing and pulling at the same time. That's going to life with a simultaneous no and a yes. I think the most effective form of waiting is actually not waiting at all. The most effective form of patience is not actually having patience, because waiting and patience again, implies tolerance, implies going through something we don't actually want and through willpower abiding it tolerating it. But that's not true acceptance.
[0:05:52] John Coleman: That's only most of the way they're acceptance, that's only partial acceptance. That's not really letting go. That's really more just gripping a little more loosely. Instead. I believe ideas, like all changes have their own timing, is really meant to be liberating, is really meant to be freeing, is really meant to be an enabler to allow us to actually let go, to actually surrender. Just take this yoke of force, of trying to make things happen, of needing things to be a certain way at a certain time and just taking it off, laying it down, unburdening ourselves from the idea. And frankly, the myth that a well lived life is a well controlled life when it comes to creating change, when it comes to accepting this idea that all changes have their own timing embedded in this is this really isn't entirely up to us. This isn't really ours to control. This isn't really a game where we have to constantly give maximum effort to have any hope of winning. This is really more about accepting. This is really more about letting go. This is really more about cooperating. This is really more about going along with the flow of life rather than trying to force it and modify it to meet our own ends, to meet our own ideas about what should be happening at any particular point in time. I believe the most effective way to create change is really a two part process. And it's interesting because this two part process really is comprised of two opposites.
[0:07:52] John Coleman: If we really want to create change, the first critical piece is knowing what change we actually want to make. That sounds obvious, but I think this actually gets fairly often overlooked that in order to achieve something, the first step in consciously intentionally achieving that is actually knowing what we want to achieve. And this can even be made more complicated by thinking about what we actually want and really being self aware enough, really being aware, aware enough to know if this is what we actually want, if this is actually what will make us feel the way we want to feel. If this will actually be nourishing, if this will actually be sustainable and durable and lasting and we get to this clarity, we get to figuring out what we really want. We're really getting to know who we actually are, what actually matters to us, what actually makes us feel good, what actually makes us feel bad through our own self awareness, through our own self realization of both an independent being as well as a cooperative being of a greater whole. And this often just takes trial and error. Often this actually takes getting something that we thought we wanted and having it turn out that we actually didn't. Often this takes striving after something, failing to achieve it, failing to gain and experience whatever change we're trying to create and then realizing in hindsight the same thing that we didn't actually want that anyway. That actually becomes a bit of a blessing that we didn't get it, we didn't achieve it because we can see the direction our life would have taken and now find that direction less than ideal, different from what we actually want. This is the beauty of living our life. This is the beauty of living our entire life. There's always opportunities to learn more. There's always opportunities for greater clarity. There are always opportunities to grow and that's why we keep going. That's why we keep coming back day after day because there's still more.
[0:10:16] John Coleman: There's still more to this story. There's still more to our story. There's still more to experience, there's more to achieve, there's more to know. When we've decided on a particular change that will be right for us and we feel a strong internal deep in our heart and soul desire for it, even with things more minor, just something that we want that seems like it would be nice, it would be kind of a lovely little change of pace. It would be pleasant. Whatever the change is, the more specific we can get about the feeling that we're trying to experience, the better because that's really all that matters right at the end of the day. Why do we want anything? Why do we want to be a certain way? Why do we want to be seen a certain way? Why do we want to have any sort of achievement, any sort of material gain. Why do we really want to get or to have or to experience or be anything? Because we want to feel a certain way. It's kind of a funny awareness, I think, when we make it. It really seems like this life is so incredibly logical and physical. But the older I get, the more I experience, the more I realize no, it's actually mostly about feelings.
[0:11:49] John Coleman: It can be a little disorienting at first because it's like, wait a minute, I feel like I've trained myself and I've been trained by others to pursue all these particular things, all these particular outcomes, to get this to be that, to experience such and such, to be viewed a certain way, to be valued a certain way. And now you're telling me it's all just a feeling, it's all just happening on the inside. Yeah, I think so. That's more than that. I know so. For me, I've experienced plenty to see how that's how things actually are. But when we key into this idea, we focus on this reality. I think we also realize this is hugely liberating. Because if all we really want is to feel a certain way, then that really opens up opportunity, that really opens up possibility. Because now instead of circumstance having to be only one particular thing, if we know what we're really trying to do is manufacture and sustain a feeling, then naturally there are myriad ways to do that. There's perhaps nearly infinite ways to do that. And I think that discovery, when we have it, is astounding to realize that we can live the lives we want, we can have the experiences we want through feeling. And that feeling can be experienced in a myriad of different ways. In a myriad of different ways we've never actually even thought of, we've never actually even entertained this possibilities. That the possibilities and the opportunity to live a good life are far greater, far more numerous and far more possible than we thought it was.
[0:13:57] John Coleman: Than we thought it was. When we were going after only one specific thing, when we are conditioning our feelings on having to come to one particular circumstance, when we're entertaining the idea that only one particular reality could deliver us the experience of life that we want. When we come to realize that there are multitudes of experiences and realities that could not only deliver the feeling we want, but could actually deliver feelings that are better. Now that's incredible. Now that's incredible not only because when we realize this, our consciousness just got expanded, our knowing just got expanded to include that there's actually far greater for us available than we thought there was. But this awareness is particularly powerful because when we realize it, we realize it's a spiritual one. We realize that there's far more going on in our world than simply the physical reality of it. And our own thinking of it. There's this whole other dimension which not only seems to hold answers that the other two do not, but really seems like it might actually be a greater portion of the pie, a greater amount of the whole. We start getting to something that feels like this might be the thing that actually matters. All these thoughts, all these possessions, all these achievements, all these ideas, all this identity, all this vanity, all this striving, it really is incredibly ephemeral, incredibly temporary, incredibly fleeting. But there's this spirit that lies underneath the spirit that flows through all of me which seems like it might be bigger and more powerful and more profound than anything else. And we can use this spiritual awareness, we can use this getting acquainted with the full version of ourselves, with the fullness of ourselves, and help us guide into what we actually want. Because when we're pondering, when we're considering, when we're designing the lives we actually want to live, it's the spirit that fuels this feeling. One way to think about it, one idea, is that feelings are felt spirit, our felt spiritual energy flowing through us.
[0:16:53] John Coleman: And we can use these feelings to guide us and arrive at what we really want because we can use the awareness of how we feel to lead us on our way, to help us choose, to help us focus, to help us figure out what it is we actually want. More specifically, to figure out how we want to actually feel is the feeling where the spirit energy feels like it's flowing through us the most purely, the most profoundly, the most nourishingly and the most cleanly. Once we get acquainted with this spiritual energy, it's not that thoughts and ideas and possessions and material things don't matter. Of course these things matter, it's the physical and the mind are part of life, but they don't really seem to matter as much. There's a new voice in the room, there's a new source that we can not only draw our identity from, but we can allow to really fill in our experience, to really add another dimension to our life. This idea of being in the flow of life, especially when we use this in a positive way, that's what this is. It's orienting and flowing with the spiritual energy that flows through us, not blocking, it, not changing, it not adulterating, it not diluting, it just flowing with it fully. And when it comes to what we want, when it comes to our desires, when it comes to creating change, the onus is on us to figure out, usually through experience, which change feels like it flows with us. The best, frankly. Which change feels the best deep on the inside. Feels like it gives us energy. Feels like it nourishes us. Brings a slight smile to our face. Feels uplifting. Feels motivating.
[0:19:19] John Coleman: Feels inspiring. Those are the changes that we want. And when we've decided on the changes that we want, remembering that every change has its own timing. Now we can work on the opposite process of allowing that when we've done so much work to explore ourselves, our own selfawareness, we've done work to try things, to figure out what actually we want and what we don't. To figure out who we actually are and who we're not. To figure out what matters to us and what doesn't. That can be a lot of work, that can be a lot of effort and not only physical work and can be emotional work as well. So a lot of times these lessons are earned through disappointment, through seeming setback, through quote unquote failure. But if we've done the effort to do all of these things, now is the time to engage the opposite, to engage the non effort, to engage the allowing. And again, not in a sense of waiting, not in a sense of patience because that still implies holding on. That still implies doing whatever we do with one eye, waiting to spot the progress, waiting for the thing to actually happen. But true letting go is letting go. True flowing is true flowing. Not mostly letting go. Not mostly allowing, not mostly flowing.
[0:20:52] John Coleman: Just letting go. Allowing, flowing. How do we do this? Especially when some sort of change is really important to us. How do we actually let go? How do we actually flow if we want this thing really bad? How can we even get to a point where we feel like we can just let it go, kind of just forget about it because it's really important, it really matters. How we do this is through our own faith, the own confidence, through our own knowing. We'll never have any rest if we lack in confidence for what we're trying to create. Because there's part of us that still is doubting. There's part of us that's still afraid. There's part of us that still really isn't in line. And going along with what we're trying to create versus once we've attained that faith, that confidence, there's a natural peace that comes because at least on the inside, whatever it is, is already done. There's nothing left to do. All of our work, all of our effort is complete and this is our time to relax.
[0:22:06] John Coleman: This is our time to set our tools down, to go home for the day. The work is done. In some ways of thinking about it, this is our Sabbath, this is our completion of the work and the effort that we need to do in allowing ourselves the opportunity to rest because there's no more work that needs to be done. A lot of times we can tell how much faith or how confident we are that something's going to happen by the fact that we're not actually doing anything to make it happen. Trust is self evident. We can see it through our own behavior. And if we don't fully believe that this thing is possible for us, if we don't fully believe that we've already gotten completely clear about it. If we don't fully believe that we already know exactly what we want and we already know that it's going to happen, then there's still a little bit more work left to do. This idea of letting go, this idea of surrender isn't some sort of cudgel to make something happen. It isn't some sort of leverage that we can apply to force existence to bend to our will. It really is actually letting go. It really is actually surrendering in doing so, in the confidence that all changes have their own timing and if we've gotten to the point where we have faith, we have confidence, we have the knowing that whatever change we're trying to create not only can happen but will happen, then we can let go. Because then to some extent it's not really up to us because then we can kind of only really get in the way. We can kind of only just interfere and disrupt the process. And also if we continue to do things to try to make this happen, that's only revealing our own doubts, our own insecurities, our own knowing that whatever this is isn't 100% for us yet, we're not 100% for it yet.
[0:24:22] John Coleman: And that's okay, this is just information and we can use this information to get to that point of faith, get to that point of confidence, get to that point of knowing. Because when we do, when we get to that point of faith and confidence in knowing and truly let it go, then when it's time to do something, not only will it be obvious but it'll be so much less effortful, it'll be so much easier because we're actually moving with life instead of against it. We're moving with the flow of life instead of trying to block it or push back against it. And we can trust that this timing is real. We can trust that no matter what change we want to create, if we've really first created that change within ourselves, if we've really done the work to not only identify it but really become it, know that not only is this going to happen, but that this is actually us, this is actually who we really are. This is actually a more perfect expression and manifestation of our being. The we can let it go and again know that when there's something to be done we can trust that. But in the meantime we can enjoy our Sabbath, we can enjoy our rest. We can trust that there's nothing else that needs to be done. Our order has been placed and when it's time for us to do something again, it will be obvious. And then when we achieve whatever we want to achieve, well then we'll just start all over again. On and on and on and on we go. We get a desire, we get an appetite, we get a wanting, we go through that process to the point of knowing that this is already done. And then we go through the process of fulfillment and then we begin all over again. Because accepting that every change has its own timing really takes the pressure off us, really takes the pressure off us to make things happen at a certain time, in a certain way, by a certain deadline, by a certain amount and we just be a lot more easy about it, be so much less effortful.
[0:26:45] John Coleman: We can design the change that we want to happen and then let that change live through us as it will when and where it's supposed to. And we can trust that as well. Because when we want something to happen, when we want some sort of change to take place and we can accept that that change has its own timing and not only that really has its own way, manifesting itself, really. Has its own way of presenting itself that by us staying out of it can allow that change to be the full version, the most impactful version, the most powerful and potent version that it can possibly be. We can do our side fully, we can do our internal work fully and let the external come to us in its completeness, in its fullness by allowing it to have its own timing, by trusting that when it comes, not only will we know it, but we'll know what to do. We don't have to make everything happen. We don't have to force life to submit to our will. It's kind of the other way around. Or at the very least, life is something to be cooperated with. Life is something to be trusted. Life is something to be moved with rather than fought and pushed against. And we can develop this trust, we can develop this confidence by experiencing it. Because when we do when we set that intent for some sort of change that we want to create, when we do really get to the point of confidence and faith, when we do see it emerge spontaneously on its own. And when we do experience it and achieve it, often with way less effort and far more naturally than we thought, that really builds our confidence further. That allows us to do it more.
[0:28:46] John Coleman: That allows us to learn a very valuable lesson that we can apply to every area of our life. And that lesson is life does not have to be fought. Life is meant to be lived.
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