Beyond Resolutions: Setting a New Year's Vision
The Union Path Podcast
"Beyond Resolutions: Setting a New Year's Vision"
Episode Transcript:
00:20
Like a lot of people, I suppose, I spent a lot of years setting New Year's resolutions. It just seemed like a natural thing, not only because everyone else is doing it, but the New Year seems to be such a natural boundary for change, a natural time to reflect on what's been and what I'd like to be, to set new intents, to set new goals, to basically craft a new vision for what I wanted and then go about achieving and experiencing and living that vision through resolutions At least for me anyway, and I don't think this is that uncommon a lot of times these resolutions were about things I wasn't going to do anymore, things I was going to stop doing, bad habits that I wanted to break, behaviors I no longer wanted to engage in, and that, at least in hindsight or at least in experience, hasn't actually been the most effective way to create change. That is obviously. There's nothing wrong with prohibition or abstinence per se. We should all be self-aware enough to decide that there's certain things that we don't want to do anymore and then endeavor to actually not do those things anymore.
01:26
Self-improvement is a life project. It's not something we just accomplish once and then we're done. It's a constant thing. It's a constant project to work on, because there's always room for improvement. We're not really trying to achieve perfection as much as we're trying to move in the direction of perfection, trying to move in the direction of an ideal, of an ideal vision for ourselves, of an ideal idea of ourselves, and then work to do the things to make that ideal or that idea real. But in my experience it's actually been a lot more effective, instead of deciding what I don't want to do anymore, to actually spend more effort deciding what I do want to do anymore. That is like a lot of things. It's kind of funny or it's kind of paradoxical almost, that if there's things we don't want to do anymore, oftentimes the best way to change those behaviors, to change ourselves really, as not being the kind of person that does those sorts of things anymore, is to focus instead on what we do want to do, to focus on the positive, to focus on the change, and have that change naturally displace and crowd out the things that we don't want to do anymore.
02:42
Because, at the very least, by focusing on prohibitions or the breaking of bad habits, a lot of times it keeps us focused on the negative, keeps us focused on the not, keeps us focused on the absence of something which, from a very simplistic perspective, is only an idea, that is, we can think about not wanting to do something anymore, but it's impossible to not do something. Life is only lived through action. We only have control over what we do and, yes, we can decide to not do things, but the not doing, the absence, the void, the counterfactual, is only an idea. Life exists and is experienced through presence, not absence. And maybe this is getting a little heady or a little theoretical, but at the very least, it's been my experience that when I focus on what I want to do, when I focus on the positive, when I focus on the creative, I just find that that naturally crowds out the things that I don't want to be doing anymore. Like, for example, let's say, we have an unhealthy habit of coming home from work stressed out and just absolutely gorging, absolutely stuffing our face, eating until we're practically sick, and we notice ourselves doing this over and over and over again and we notice the downstream effects of this doing as well. It doesn't make us feel very good and, persisted in long enough, probably doesn't make us look very good, at least to ourselves, at least to our ideas about how we'd like to look. So how do we quote unquote break this habit? How do we set a resolution to change this? That, yes, absolutely. We could lean on our willpower and force ourselves every day, when we come in the door, to not do that, not go to the refrigerator, not go to the pantry, not go to wherever the snacks live, and instead do something different. But there's a problem with that.
04:49
That not doing is just an idea, because when we walk in the door, we have to do something, we are doing something, and so a lot of times, it's a much easier, healthier, more simple route to, instead of focusing on what we don't want to do, to focus on what we want to do instead. What's the positive, what's the behavior, what's the action that will displace the behavior that we don't want to do anymore? And we can come up with all sorts of ideas. If we find that this overeating habit is really coming out of stress or really coming out of anxiety, well, what other things can we do to lower our stress and our anxiety? Can we do some sort of a meditation practice? Can we go for a walk? Can we exercise? Can we just sit down in a chair and just chill out? Are there other ways of soothing and dealing with what's going on inside which is ultimately driving the unhealthy behavior that we want to change that?
05:52
Perhaps we've adopted the unhealthy pattern of immediately overeating to deal with this conflict, to deal with this inner turmoil. Well, are there more thoughtful, more positive, more healthy ways to deal with this inner turmoil? And once we've identified those things, focus on doing that, because if we keep our focus on what we're doing, we naturally stop doing the things that we don't want to do anymore and again all we can do is do Not. Doing is a comparison, only exists in our minds, is only a thought, is only an idea, versus our doing is real. Our doing is what actually happens. Our doing is our actual experience.
06:40
And so when it comes to things like New Year's, when it comes to times that are kind of a natural boundary especially this nice week in between Christmas and New Year's that's often a bit quiet anyway that we've gotten through the busyness and the sometimes enormity of the Christmas holiday and now we've got this kind of gap, this kind of quiet week where things are still pretty slow. A lot of people are on vacation, a lot of us are taking vacation ourselves, and this is a good time to reflect, a good time to kind of stop and think, a good time to really be intentional, to really ask ourselves, with this New Year coming up, what do we want this New Year to actually be like? What do we want to experience as people? What do we want to be? What kind of person do we want to be? What do we want to do?
07:28
And so I found a much more effective exercise, rather than setting resolutions especially, things I don't want to do anymore is instead craft a vision for what I do want to do, to really take some time to really sit down and reflect. What have I learned in the past year? What's actually important to me? What are my priorities really? What actually matters to me really? What do I want really? Who am I really? Then, after reflecting and focusing on this, ask myself what do I want to live in the upcoming year, what do I want to experience, how do I want my life to be? And, using some information, to craft a vision, to craft a picture, to craft kind of like a little home movie that I can play in my head of how I want my life to be, how I want things to go, what I want my life experience to actually be like, what I want it to include, and, again, focusing on the positive, focusing on the presence, even if there are many things that I'd really like to not do anymore, even if there are many things I'd rather exclude from my life. Again, that absence, that negative, is only an idea. So I stay focused on the positive and what I want to include, what I want my life to be like.
08:45
Along with this, it's going to be a really useful exercise to just sit down with a pen and paper and design the perfect day when I think about my life, when I think about what I really want to experience, what I really want to be doing, what I want to contribute, as well as what I want to come back to me. Then, using that information, using those ideas, to just design a perfect day and really be detailed about it. What time does it start? Where am I, what do I do? And carry that on throughout the day and really be as open as I possibly can to just use this exercise to put down all constraints and limitations for a minute. That maybe my vision for my perfect day is wildly different from what I'm living now, but that doesn't matter. I don't need to design the means, I don't need to make this believable or even plausible. I'm giving myself an opportunity to fully identify and identify with what I actually want, what I actually want to live, and by designing this in terms of a day, it also takes a focus off of individual achievement.
09:58
But a lot of those ideas that I'll be happy when I do this, I'll be peaceful or satisfied when I do that, focusing on the end result of accomplishments again are ideas. We actually live our life one day at a time, and if we can at least be clear on what our perfect day looks like, that can give us a much more clear vision for what we want our life to actually be. Using this ideal day as a building block, as a stepping stone, as a cornerstone for what we want our life to actually be like. But crafting a vision of what we want our life to be, what we want it to include, what we want to do, where we want to go, whom we want to do it with, and really be specific. When I've done this exercise, I've broken it out even down to 30 minute time increments, from when I wake up to when I go to sleep again.
10:56
And this isn't some sort of like manifestation trick, this isn't some sort of bit of like covert magic where I feel like I can just write things down perfectly that I'm guaranteed to have that happen. Now this is really just a project of self discovery, of really getting clear with what I actually want, because I can use this information to learn a whole lot about myself. I can also use this information to learn a whole lot about my life. But how I'm living my life. When I look at the difference, when I look at the gap between my ideal day and my average lived day, I can see the room for improvement, I can see the need for change. And once I've witnessed and noticed and acknowledged this room for improvement, these needs for change, then I can start spotting opportunities for change. This can start setting me off in a new direction Because, at the very least, by focusing on what I want, moving forward, it gets me into a much more creative headspace or mindset and gets me out of a recreative headspace or mindset.
12:02
It gets me to focus on action rather than mostly focusing on reaction, because action creates, reaction recreates and if it's change that I want, it behooves me, it benefits me to focus on action, to focus on creating the change by doing something different, allowing the change that I want in my life to be lived internally first, to be lived as a decision. It's deciding to change and then, once I've decided to change, crafting a vision, getting very clear what I want that change to actually be like, what change I actually want to create Of live life, moving forward, live life through my own action, live life through my own design, because ultimately, that's how creation works, that's how creativity works. It all starts with an idea. An idea blossoms into an intent. If that intent is held strongly enough, that intent transforms into action. If that action is maintained and sustained enough that action leads to change, leads to living a different experience, then a lot of ways, if not in most ways, life is lived from the inside out. That all change in our life, at least conscious change, starts with us. It starts internally, starts with us making the decision to change. It starts with a crafting a clear vision, getting a clear idea of the change that we actually want to create. That we are the ones who set intentional change in motion, because as long as change is being set in motion by anyone or anything else, it isn't really intentional, it isn't really conscious. Again, that's us reacting to what happens to us, that if it's change that we want to create, ultimately that redounds to us acting, it requires us to be the change. To create the change that we want to have in our life, it must come from inside of us first. We must be it first. We must decide to change first.
14:15
Again, this time of year, coming up on a new calendar year, is a great time, is a great opportunity to do this, to get really clear on what's my vision for my life in the next year. What do I want to live? I have desires, I have dreams, I have goals, I have things I want to accomplish. Well, what is a life that includes all of those things actually look like? We can feel after this a bit. We can try on different ideas, because some ideas might be a little too big.
14:47
If we craft a vision that stirs up a bit of doubt within us, that makes us uncomfortable, that usually means we've probably overreached a little bit, because ideas like this, exercises like this, do not require us to get all the way to perfection in one step, can use exercises like this as a process. We can use exercises like this to walk the journey towards our perfection, towards our ideal, and we can choose and craft a vision that we're comfortable with. We actually do ourselves a favor by doing this, because if we're scared of our dreams, then most likely we're going to be standing in our own way and a lot of times what we actually need to assuage our fear is progress, is evidence, and we can use exercises like this to achieve and experience that progress, to gather that evidence, to have something, work, to have a bit of success and know that we don't have to get from where we are to perfection to ideal in one step. We can allow it to be a process, we can allow it to be a journey, because that's what life is, because if we achieved everything we ever wanted and will ever want tomorrow, what would we do with the rest of our lives? Having something to seek after, having something to aspire to, having something to endeavor after is the point. Is, life Is this constant pursuit of pursuing things and maybe not achieving them and then continuing to pursue them. Or perhaps, when we get what we want, that naturally spawns another desire, another wish, another hunger, and then we pursue that. Or perhaps we get what we want, but we get it through an unexpected way, or it doesn't come in exactly how we expected, and because it's different. Now that opens up new possibilities, now that opens up new things. We want new desires, new dreams, because life has delivered something to us in a way that we didn't expect. And on and on, and on, and on it goes.
16:47
And I believe, anyway, this is the point of life that what makes a human being different, seemingly, from all our animals is the ability to create, Is the opportunity to create, is the responsibility to create. That's why we're all here, that's what we're all doing. We're creating constantly, whether we know it or not. We might as well do it intentionally, we might as well do it on purpose. We might as well use this incredible power, this incredible gift that all of us have intentionally, because that's it right there At the heart of the human beings. Incredible ability to create is a human beings incredible ability to set intention, to be intentional, to not be reactive, to be active, to be creative.
17:38
And we can seize this opportunity whenever we wish in a really good time. To seize this opportunity is right now, whether it's the first of the year or not, whether it's January 1st or April 17th or September 12th, it doesn't matter. The best time to do anything that we've decided needs to be done is often now. Now is the perfect opportunity, now is the perfect time to create the needed change in our life, to finally pursue what we actually want, to finally be who we actually are Now, today, right now, and we can use exercises like creating a vision for our life whenever we want. And the nice thing about these sorts of exercises is these visions are ours, these are our ideas. We can change them, we can revisit them, we can use them however we want. It doesn't have to just be something we do once a year. These are our visions, these are our ideas and we can use them however we want.
18:47
And again, I think the greatest value of doing these sorts of exercises, of crafting these sorts of visions for ourselves, isn't so much to get what we want. It's really much more about actually knowing ourselves, actually knowing what we want, knowing who we are, knowing what matters to us, knowing what our priorities actually are, because that, in and of itself, that knowing that knowledge causes us to live a more intentional life. Once we know ourselves on a deep level, we can't help but to live from that perspective, from that point of view that awareness can't help but change us, change what we do, because oftentimes, when it comes to breaking bad habits, what a lot of times it really comes down to is realize we're not actually the kind of person that engages in that behavior. We've been being a false self, we've been being someone else, and the awareness of this, the knowing of this, the belief of this, is what actually creates and causes the change of acknowledging that this isn't actually who we are, this isn't actually what we want, this isn't actually what we're about, this doesn't actually feel good, this doesn't actually fit us, this causes turmoil, this causes conflict, this causes an internal unrest of some kind, and we can choose to bring our behavior into alignment with who we actually are. And a lot of times, one of the best ways to know who we actually are is to know what we actually want, know what actually matters to us, because it's a lot easier to go through life and get what we want if we know what we want, if we're not trying to just run this massive process of elimination by trying to experience everything first and then deciding what we want. That really feels like the long way around versus if we just decide what we want, if we declare what we want, if we claim what we want as an extension, as a reflection, as an expression of who we actually are, then life gets a lot more simple, life gets a lot more clear. Choices are a lot easier to make. And not only that, choices are a lot easier to live with because we're not constantly racked without if we did the right thing or not, because we're operating from a state of self-awareness. We know that we did the right thing when we know that we did the thing. That is us, that is who we really are.
21:21
But the conflict, the inner conflict that's created often is through us trying to be someone else, being inauthentic in some way, being artificial, being false. The lack of alignment with truth always creates conflict. Truth is the only thing that flows freely. Truth is the only thing that is. Everything that is untrue has to be maintained, has to be perpetuated. It has no power, it has no structure in and of itself. It's artificially created and thus it has to be artificially maintained Because, again, it's based on not it's an idea. It's not real, because what's real is what is. What is not real is what isn't. So, as we embark on a new year or maybe it's just Tuesday we can craft a vision for ourselves. We can craft the ideal vision for ourselves. We can really get clear on what we actually want. By knowing who we actually are, we can align our lives with truth. We can choose expression that's real. We can be who and what we really are, because who and what we really are is the only thing that's actually real.