A Life of Have To vs Get To
The Union Path Podcast
A Life of Have To vs Get To
[0:00:20] John Coleman: Sometimes change in our life can ultimately be created, ultimately be started, ultimately be begun through subtle shifts of perspective, through subtle shifts of the way we go into our life, the way we process our life, the way we take in the experience of life itself. A lot of times it can be so easy to think that change is created in our life through big changes happening outside of ourselves, through having our circumstances change, our achievements change having our life deliver to us something so much better, so much more in line with what we really want. But oftentimes these changes, these enhancements, these improvements actually come from a subtle shift within us that the change actually started when we decided to change, when we decided to look at things a different way, when we decided to look for different things, when we decided to appreciate different things. And one of these subtle shifts that can be incredibly powerful is a shift from the idea of have to to get to. Sometimes when we find ourselves really put upon by life. Sometimes when our life feels really heavy, when it feels like our life is just happening to us and there's not a lot of joy there, there's not a lot of meaning there. There's not a lot of positive reinforcement that we experience in our life. Life becomes far more about getting things done, about continuing to do whatever we've been doing. And in these times when we feel a little beaten down we feel a little diminished, a little deenergized. We can feel like life can sometimes just be in never ending set of burdens, never ending set of responsibilities, of expectations some of them very unwelcome. We're feeling this way when we're feeling an overdeveloped sense of burden an overawareness on the difficulty and the struggle of life. Sometimes what's needed to create change is a shift in perspective, a shift in our focus. Like a lot of things, what we tend to get is what we tend to look for, what we tend to achieve is what we tend to pursue. But ultimately, any sort of change starts with us. And one of the most powerful changes we can make is a basic change to our own perspective, a basic change to our own outlook a basic change to what we choose to value what we choose to look for, we choose to pursue.
[0:03:20] John Coleman: And when we're thinking about creating change in our life one easy way, one simple way to start to look for that change, to start to envision that change is to shift our focus from the things that we have to do to a life full of things we get to do. This simple change alone we can feel creates a palpable change of energy, creates an obvious change in weight of our life. Things don't feel so heavy, things don't feel so hard. Things don't feel so hopeless or intractable. Especially when we envision our future. Having the shift of a life filled with things that we get to do rather than a life filled with things we have to do, supplies a completely different energy supplies an energy of anticipation, of eagerness, of hopefulness. When we can envision our life full of things we get to do oftentimes that can't help but put a smile on our face, can't help but reenergize us, can't help but remoteivate us, reinspire us. And the funny thing is this transformation of energy, this return of motivation and inspiration and hope really just comes from a change of perspective, a shift of focus. If we can do this simple exercise of just sitting down, getting calm, getting quiet and envisioning, a life of things we get to do can not only be energizing but can really lift our mood, really make us feel better, really get us clear on what we actually want, what we actually want our lives to be like. We can disrupt and alter habits of just looking at life as a neverending series of burdens. We can drop our quarrels and our struggle with what is because we know we're on a path to what could be. We shift our focus from the judgment and the criticism of what is to the vision of what we want. We shift our focus from living a life that feels like a burden towards the journey of living a life that's really appreciated. We shift our focus from the frustration, the letdown, the umbrage of what is towards the imagining, towards the vision, towards the clarity of what we really want. Doing these exercises are really helpful if we've kind of lost touch with what we really want, if we found ourselves in a position of where we're really just doing everything we can.
[0:06:35] John Coleman: We're using all of our energy just to get through the day, just to meet our responsibility, just to get the things done that need to be done. And of course meeting responsibilities is important. It's vital. This exercise isn't about disassociating from our life. This exercise is about getting clear on what we really want. This exercise is simply an exercise to feel good, to remind ourselves that there are things we want. We do have desires, we do have passions, we do have dreams, we do want joy, we do want fulfillment, we do want meaning. We do want to live a life that we truly cherish and appreciate. We truly want to live a life that's loved. Everyone has this basic desire everyone has this basic want, everyone has this basic hunger to love their own life. And at times this desire frankly can feel impossible, can feel unattainable, can feel like whimsy, can feel like irresponsibility, can feel like an unseriousness that we're not really dealing with reality. But we can hold two ideas at the same time. We can be fully in touch, fully aware of our current reality while at the same time being fully in touch and fully aware of the reality we want to inhabit. You can do both. It's not an either or.
[0:08:23] John Coleman: We don't have to be so stoically grounded in what is. And we also don't have to get completely lost in the flights of fancy of our dreams. We can hold both. We're meant to hold both. We're meant to be aware of both because we have these dreams for a reason. We have these desires for a reason. We have the attraction, we have the pull, we have the calling of our desired life for a reason. We also have the incredible opportunity in every moment to be aware of what is and learn and grow however we can. And sometimes where we feel a little stuck, a little put upon, a little downtrodden by our own life, just a subtle shift into thinking about and pondering and connecting with. What would a get to life really look like? Start to try to picture it with this idea. Visualize a day. What would a get to day look like? Look around. Where are you?
[0:09:41] John Coleman: What are you doing? What experiences are you having? What does this look like? What does this feel like? Inhabit this. Get to experience as fully as you can. See it as clearly as you can, feel it as fully as you can. Integrate as many senses as you can. What does it look like? What does it sound like? What does it feel like both internally and externally? What feelings does it bring up? Where do you feel it in your body? And just stick with this vision. Let it play out.
[0:10:30] John Coleman: Don't try to control it or steer it. Don't try to envision all the ways, all the things you would have done to make this life happen. Let it show you. Don't try to control it, yield to it. Think of all the things that you get to do and naturally feel the appreciation, gratitude that's embedded in this embedded in this vision, embedded in these experiences because it's natural. Keep going with this idea. Isn't it wonderful? I get to do this. Isn't it amazing? I get to do that. Isn't it incredible that this is my life? Isn't it astounding that this is me? And know that this feels this way. This is incredible and astounding this is filled with awe and wonder because this is you, this is what you really want. That's a beautiful thing to know.
[0:11:42] John Coleman: That's a beautiful thing to experience. That's a wonderful thing to know. It's a vital thing to know. And again, it's really important to stay out of the how to stay out of the why. Don't question it, don't cross examine it, just observe it. We have plenty of time in our life for plan making, for designing for critical judgment. Right now, just use this as an opportunity to be be with yourself, be with your dreams, be with your aspirations, be with your vision of your ideal life. Keep going for as long as you can keep continuing on this path, really let it play out. I get to do this, I get to do that. Isn't it amazing? Feel the joy, feel the appreciation, feel the awe and wonder and keep going. It's a useful exercise to not only do once, but to do over and over again. Because at the very least, even if it changes nothing, it still feels good. But I don't believe that's all. I don't believe it's possible to really do this exercise, really connect with it, really connect with it fully and feel it fully and have it not change anything.
[0:13:27] John Coleman: I believe this is where change actually really comes from because we're connecting with a fundamental part of our self connecting with a fundamental part of our self that feels joy, that feels appreciation, that feels gratitude. And that's a critical, fundamental part of ourselves. It's really debilitating when we disconnect with this part of ourselves. We diminish it when we ignore it. We live our lives being too serious, too responsible, too rigid, too hard nosed. We need to give this part of ourselves time and space to be because this is where the joy in our life ultimately comes from. This is what ultimately creates it. And this is the part of us that ultimately experiences it. We can't appreciate things like joy and love and awe and wonder. Logically or rationally. Those things have to be felt with this part of ourself. Aspects of our life are felt by the parts of us that create them. It's always reciprocal parts of us that things come from or the parts of us that those things come back to. It's like an echo. It's like a call and an answer.
[0:15:05] John Coleman: The parts of us that express are the same. Parts of us that feel. And this is an exercise we can do anytime. This is a part of us we can always reconnect with. This is a vital part of us that we need to reconnect with because when we connect with this part of ourselves, we can reconnect with the part of ourselves that feels gratitude, that feels appreciation. And when we're living a life that feels like a burden, we're living a life that feels hollow and empty. That's the part of us that's absent. That's the part of us that's quiet, that's silenced. That's the fullness we're missing. That's the wholeness we're lacking. And if we do this exercise, if we really sit with and ponder this idea of a life of get to versus have to, that appreciation and gratitude can't help but start to leak in to our current life, our current experiences, we can start to see that maybe we're not so confined after all. Maybe we're not living such a limited experience after all. Maybe we're not living a life that's so monochrome in its drudgery or struggle that there actually are things to appreciate and be grateful for. Right now. There actually is some level of joy right now.
[0:16:54] John Coleman: There are actually quite a few good things happening right now. There are actually quite a few things we get to do right now. Maybe these things aren't all that big. Maybe they're not all that vital. Maybe they just don't take up as much of our life as we'd like. But there's always something to be grateful for. There's always something to be appreciative of. It's always there if we look. Because once we reconnect with this part of ourselves, this part of ourselves that feels and knows love and joy and appreciation, we start to integrate more of that part of ourselves in our current life. We start to hear from that part of ourselves much more. We start to feel like a much more full and whole person because we're actually experiencing living life more fully, more holy. It's important to have dreams. It's important to have desires. It's important to want things. It's important to walk the path of their fulfillment.
[0:18:12] John Coleman: It's important to live a life that feels good to us, feels true to us, feels like an expression of our wholeness, to live a life where we feel fully ourselves, fully connected with our entire self, complete with expression and experience that feels full, that feels true, that feels real. This is a simple thing we can do, a simple shift we can make any time. And by making this subtle shift, a subtle shift in focus from living a life we have to, to living a life we get to, we not only feel better, but we begin the crucial process of liberating ourselves, of claiming our own freedom, of claiming our own vision of ourselves and of our lives. We can choose to make the shift whenever we want. We can choose to make the shift today, right now, if we want to make this shift. It's as simple as pondering this idea of a life, of get to and see where it takes us. See what ideas come up, see what images come up, see what sights and sounds and feelings come up. And stay with it. Connect with it. Keep going. Let the vision of your ideal life present itself. Let it show you maybe some things you don't actually know. Let it inform you of ideas you may have not even thought before. Let this part of yourself speak to you. Let it show you what it knows.
[0:20:12] John Coleman: Let it ask for what it needs. Let it deliver the vision of its idealized life to you and see what happens. Entertain these ideas. Create the space for them. Sit with them. Go into them fully. Let yourself want, let yourself dream. Let yourself desire and know. This is you speaking to. You know, this dialogue exists because you've been separated. This part of you has been split off, and it just wants to return home. It just wants to be reabsorbed into wholeness. And you can you can live your life with this part of you. Included. And by doing so that can't help but enrich and expand your life experience.
[0:21:15] John Coleman: Because a full life is lived from fullness. A joyful life is lived from the part of you that wants and knows and appreciates joy. A dreamed for life is experienced by the part of you that has dreams. And when we have this experience it's not that we have to immediately sit down and try to conquer our own dreams. We need to capture and dominate our own dreams. Just know them. That's enough. The awareness is enough. This can't help but change us, can't help but change our lives to just know. Because everything that's truly known will find its way into our expression that's our consciousness. We can't help it. And there's just use there's utility, there's value in then doing things feel good especially on a deep heart and soul level. And we can choose to do this at any time. And we choose to connect with the part of ourselves that feels good in our heart and soul. And we'll find ourselves living a life far more heartfelt and far more soulful.