Embracing Your True Nature

The Union Path Podcast - Embracing Your True Nature
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A lot of life is lived in the state of duality. We live a lot of our lives and states seem to bounce back and forth, between opposites. In one way, this can be a pretty effective way to create balance. Of learning to live and opposing energies. Learning to embrace opposing parts of ourselves, finding the balance in between. But can also create a lot of very difficult challenges.

Especially in times of struggle, and especially in times of pain, we can really crave for a sense of stability, a sense of sameness, of routine. That we can feel battered about by bouncing in between opposites, when what we really crave is be able to just stick to the known, stick to the same.

I think one of the really important aspects of life, especially midlife, is to come to a place where we fully and openly accept ourselves. Now, this isn't quite as simple as I think it can seem at face value.

From a superficial perspective, I believe that a lot of us can get the incorrect message that this means to just praise and adore everything about ourselves without really looking deeply at the parts of ourselves that actually need to change.

It could be really easy, through a lens of acceptance, to whitewash things that are actually asking for our attention, that are asking for change, that wanna be different because being different is some sort of important growth for us. Some sort of growth that's on our path of evolution, on our path of expansion, of being more than we currently are.

But on a deeper level, acceptance is really mostly about acknowledging the truth. We can create so many problems for ourselves by running from the truth, by obfuscating the truth. Because a lot of times truths are really hard to face, especially truths about ourselves.

But if we want to be whole, if we want to grow in positive directions, then it really is important to embrace the truth. It really is important to fully accept the truth, and then move forward from that place.

And I think after a time of really getting to know ourselves, really getting familiar with who and what we really are, noticing things that we tend to like, we tend to not like. Noticing experiences that tend to energize us and also tend to de-energize us. Noticing when we feel good and when we feel bad, that over time this noticing accumulates.

This noticing creates more of an aggregate, more of a holistic awareness, of who we really are. We go from someone who either does or doesn't like certain things, to someone who is a certain way. We move beyond preference for the specific, and more into an awareness of the whole.

That through out paying attention, through our situational and circumstantial awareness, our overall awareness grows. And as our awareness goes, our consciousness follows.

Everything we're aware of, everything we've ever been aware of, gets integrated to our consciousness. This process of constantly folding in new information, and then being a slightly different person because of it. It not only changes our knowledge of ourselves, but changes our expression.

It's a simple example, how do we change a bad habit? I believe it isn't so much of just deciding we don't want to do this particular thing anymore. It's really more deciding we don't want to be the kind of person that does this sort of thing anymore. This doesn't really fit, this isn't really us. Whatever we're doing is a bit of cosplay of a character that we really aren't.

And the deeper, the more ingrained, the more load-bearing these behaviors are, the harder they are to change. And the harder they are to change, the more important it is that our desire for change comes from a sense of who we are. That we're not just battling against it with sheer determination and willpower. It's really more of a question of growth. It's really more of a question of alignment. It's really more of a question of engagement with ourselves on a deep level, and utilizing what we find, what we learn, to create change.

And so when it comes to really fully getting to know ourselves, and thus really coming to fully accept ourselves, over time, we start to bear witness to what our overall nature is. It's one of these aggregate awarenesses that can seem a little philosophical at first, but as we sit with it, we find ways to apply it. And as we start to apply it, we find more of a sense of alignment happening, more of a sense of fit, more of a sense of comfort, more of a sense of ease.

That so much conflict in life is created by us being in the world a person, a being, that we're not really on the inside. And of course we can have all sorts of reasons, all sorts of very good reasons to want to present ourselves differently than we really are.

This could be coping strategies for everything from desires to achieve certain results, to some amount of discomfort, or even extreme examples, loathing of who we are.

But these opinions that we hold about ourselves, when we think about them, we realize, this is part of ourselves casting judgment on the rest of ourselves. This is us splitting ourselves into two. The being and the judge. The actor, and the commentor.

And so obviously that's a conflict right there. It's an important conflict, because of course, how would we change if we don't notice the need for change first? How would we be different if a part of us didn't become aware of and acknowledge the parts of us that actually need to be different?

So it's a really nuanced, really complicated thing. To really come into alignment, to really look inside ourselves, and look at all these seemingly disparate pieces and figure out how on earth does this puzzle make any kind of sense?

Especially when we seem to be filled with contradictions, how do we actually find a way for it all to fit together? How can we be the kind of person who has needs that seem to contradict and cancel out each other?

Well, that's the value of deeper awareness. Of really getting down to the core of who and what we really are. Because when we look at these paradoxes within us, when we look at these contradictions within us, oftentimes they can actually be pretty superficial.

And it can get really complicated because a lot of times our behavior and our way of being is a result of what we've experienced so far. And the effects of things like discomfort and fear and trauma and all sorts of things that occupy most people's lives at some point or another,

can create ways of being, that even though they may be seem helpful in the short term, may become obstacles over time.

But that's why this work of self-awareness can become so valuable. Because if we can just start looking at all these pieces of ourselves, the whole will emerge. It will make sense. These things that do all fit. And the longer that we spend with these pieces, the more we can tell which ones seem real, and which ones seem compensatory in some way.

When we really get to know ourselves, we can really get to understand what we want and what we need on a deep level, and this can lead us to a greater awareness, of who we really are.

And one of the ways we can get to know ourselves on a deeper level is to really contemplate our nature. More than who are we, from a perspective of our name, our family, our culture, our nationality, our organizational associations, our thoughts and opinions, even our values, what's our nature?

When we think about ourselves, what do we like from a more general, long-term perspective? How do we tend to do things? What things do we tend to enjoy? What things tend to attract us? What things tend to repel us?

And these are obviously very deep, very detailed concepts. But one of the ways we can look at this from a more approachable way, one of the ways we can look at this from a mental model, or a set of concepts that we can really sit with, is by pondering our nature through an analogy.

But this is yet another thing that has to be applied with skill. Because it's really important to not grab onto analogies with both hands. Not say, oh, this particular type, this particular archetype, this particular label, is what I am. No, I don't believe anyone is that simple.

We all contain multitudes. But it doesn't mean things like analogies can't be helpful. Because if we can wrap our around arms, around a big idea, a big theory of who we really are, then we can find ways to integrate the pieces that don't exactly fit that label perfectly. We can kind of hold two ideas at the same time that, this feels true from a broad perspective, but of course there's room for nuance.

Like a lot of things, it's really important to be able to hold two ideas at the same time, to be able to know that one thing doesn't define us. But identifying things that feel real, feel like us, are really helpful. And that we can adopt these concepts from a more loose, more open, more abstract perspective. Looking for things like meaning, instead of a rigid, perfect accuracy.

And so when it comes to nature, one of the analogies that I think about is thinking about people in terms of what do they like from an elemental perspective. One of the curious, I think one of the most interesting things about existence, existence as a human being, is being a walking dichotomy. Is living in this human life, both on a spiritual or energy or consciousness plane, while at the same time living a physical, material existence.

That's a really interesting juxtaposition. At times can be a really difficult thing to balance. Well, that's where the experience of life comes in. Is being able to mix these two realities, these two truths, and create something new. That part of us is a living, breathing, physical animal. And part of us is an eternal, evolving, expressing spirit.

And so we think about nature from terms of an analogy, again holding analogies loosely and knowing that no analogy fundamentally or perfectly defines or explains anything. It's really more of a guide, really more of a tool, to understand broad concepts.

I like to think about elemental energy as something as simple as air, water, and stone. Because I think about myself, I think about people that I meet, these ideas, again, held loosely, not only seem to hold, but seem to explain a fair amount.

That by holding onto this analogy, I can gain better clarity. , and not only why I do things or why things go a certain way for me or why other people seem to do certain things and have certain things go certain ways for them.

But perhaps the greatest value in using an analogy such as this is, that it leads us in to more self-acceptance. And if we can define ourselves even loosely this way or that, and that in and of itself usually leads to more self-acceptance. Usually opens up the door to give ourselves a little bit of grace, a little bit of understanding, a little bit of encouraging, a little bit of nourishment, to be who we actually are.

That like with a lot of awarenesses, once we have an awareness of something, especially if it's a deep one, it's almost automatic that we would do something with that information.

And if we can stay open to it, if we can stay accepting to it, usually whatever we do will be some sort of positive growth, will be some step in the right direction. May not get us immediately to where we want to go, may set us up for what kind of feels like a bit of a wild goose chase, but it's still valuable. It's still really critical in the navigation of our own lives, to at least be acting from a basis of true developed self-awareness.

And so when we think about these ideas of air and water and stone, and maybe one of these in particular will resonate with you. At the very least, my hope is that using this analogy, it makes looking at ourselves a little bit easier. It makes accepting ourselves a little bit easier. But more than that, it makes accepting and being with other people a little bit easier too.

Because looking around at our physical world, all three of these qualities are equally as vital. Our world wouldn't exist if one of them disappeared. And so no one is better than the other. There's an equality when it comes to nature like this. So it makes it an even more useful and even easier way to get to know ourselves, to really be able to look at ourselves because there's no judgment embedded in it. There's no superiority embedded in it either. There's a unity embedded in it.

Although these three qualities are all very different, they're all equally as vital, no one is better than the other, and yet all three of them work together. They work together to make this whole that we call our physical reality. They work together to support our existence.

And ultimately, I think that's what we're really after with this self-awareness. Is to get to a point where our self-awareness becomes deep enough to where we can let go these ideas of comparison. We can let go of these ideas of judgment. We can get to know and accept ourselves so fully, so deeply, that it actually doesn't really matter for the purposes of our own identity and self-worth anyway, who or what anyone else is.

That seems to me at the bottom of our deep self-awareness is full self-acceptance, is fullness itself, and when we achieve fullness itself, we achieve a sense of equanimity, a sense of peace. Not only within ourselves, but within our environment as well. That if we fully accept ourselves, and let go of the need to be anything different than we really are, then we stop looking to have those needs fulfilled in the outside world. We stop looking to have the outside world define us, or make us more.

No more definition or growth is required in order to be whole. We can stop seeking our wholeness in our outside world, in our environment, in our relationships, in our accumulations, and just be at peace, just be whole, within ourselves.

So getting back to our analogy, thinking about ourselves, thinking about our fundamental nature, are we air? Are we water? Are we stone?

When we think about ourselves, when we think about our qualities, our tendencies, just who we know ourselves to be as a personality and a person, for real on the inside, which one of these seems to resonate?

Is it the air? Do you like the ability to be light, move around quickly, have lots of flexibility, be able to occupy any space? Do you thrill in movement? In travel? In the collection of a wide array of different experiences? Do you tend to float above life, trying to take in all of it?

When you think about the qualities of air, what does that mean to you? How does that fit who and what you really are?

Or maybe when you think about the qualities of water, that makes sense to you. You like the idea of flowing. You like the idea of movement, but at different paces and different scales for different situations. You can be fast moving rapids or barely moving lake.

You can be like the ocean, kinda like the earth, breathing with the waves, in and out, with a tide, in and out, flowing in and flowing back. Maybe you like the idea to be able to flow around everything, but to be grounded at the same time.

When I think about water, I think about the qualities of being able to flow with life. Being able to flow around obstacles, but being able to follow a path as well. The idea of refinement, of flowing and going deeper and deeper, uncovering more and more of what's underneath. Also, the idea of water, of being really flexible, yet having quite a bit of weight to it.

Not something as light as air, but something has substance to it, yet a quality of fluidity, of being able to flow around nearly everything. Or maybe in other qualities like the ability of water to nourish, to support growth.

Or we think about the qualities of stone. Of being hard, strong, substantial. The ability to be grounded, but to rise thousands of feet up into the air. To be immovable. To be able to withstand all the harsh elements in reality of life. The idea of depositing more and more layers on top of itself, and growing more and more substantial.

Of going through life, letting the experiences deposit upon it, and growing larger and larger and stronger and stronger, and heavier and heavier because of it.

So when we ponder these qualities, and we ponder these ideas in relation to ourselves, again, it's important not to take it fundamentally. Because obviously, no one is actually a stone, no one is actually air, no one is actually water. In fact, no one is actually purely any of these three types, we all contain a mix.

Sometimes we could be one way, sometimes we could be another. Perhaps this changes with eras of our life, sometimes it's circumstantial. Sometimes, we are water, sometimes we are stone, and sometimes we are air. And all of them are perfectly appropriate as long as this sense of being is flowing out of who we actually are. As long as it feels authentic, as long as it feels like us.

And so I think it's an interesting idea to sit with, ponder these qualities and kind of look at ways how we seem to resonate or lean towards one of these natures,

and then without awareness, see if our lives can be made better by maybe leaning towards a little more, maybe by accepting a little bit more, maybe adopting more of these qualities.

Maybe some of the conflicts and the strife in our life is us acting against type. Us acting against our nature, and thus in some ways sabotaging our experiences. Maybe we've gone into a situation as stone, when a more pure expression would've been to be as water.

Maybe we've been living as water, but what we really are is air. And we spent too much time on the ground, we've been moving too slowly, we haven't been using our lightness and our swiftness to our advantage. We've been trying to lean into strengths that perhaps, we haven't really developed.

So again, an interesting thing to ponder and an interesting lens to look at ourselves and look at our lives, and see what applies to us, what makes sense, what fits.

And what we may discover is that we might have gotten a little off track, we might have gotten a little confused, if at times our environment didn't seem to support our nature.

I think this can especially show up if we've been raised by parents of a different type. If we're fundamentally on our inside, mostly a water type, but we were raised by two parents who were a stone type, that can be a pretty difficult experience.

In a very kindhearted way, they could have tried to urge us to be more stonelike. Be stronger, be tougher, be more durable, stand pat, stand your ground, grow from where you are, versus what we really wanted to do was flow and bend.

Or if we find ourselves to be more of a stone type and we have two air parents, maybe we just can't take all the flitting around, all the uncertainty of, it feels like maybe a bit of just flakiness, or just idiosyncratic rhythms of life. When it would make much more sense for us would be to really stand and develop where we are. Really develop our strength through our being stationary, in who we are and what's important to us.

But regardless of what we've experienced, it's important to resolve these sorts of conflicts. It's important to really not only know ourselves and know our own nature, but accept that nature and then learn to nourish that nature. Give ourselves the grace of perhaps not having the courage, or the awareness, or the safety to have been ourselves, and instead acting from a place that felt like it would give us what we needed. Whether that's connection, acceptance, safety, security, comfort. But we can trust our nature. We can trust ourselves. We can know that, how we've been and what's happened to us doesn't need to dictate our future. It can help define who we are, but we're the ones with agency and choice on what we do moving forward.

I think the other thing we can look at, when it comes to nature is, what sort of situations and environments are we drawn to? Are we drawn to big cities with their tall buildings and their histories and traditions and cultures? Those feel of more like stone qualities, maybe. Are we drawn to water? Do we find ourself at home and at ease, at the beach, at the river, at the lake?

Do we find ourselves comfortable in the air? Do we love wide open spaces? Do we love tremendous variety? Do we love lightness? Do we love to just go with the wind blows?

It's the beauty of awareness, the more we tune into who we are what we do, what we've done, what we want to do, the more this clarity around our nature, around who we really are can come up, can present itself. It becomes obvious, if we're really paying attention.

And this is one of the interesting things about life. We not only get to explore our environments, we get to explore our relationships, we get to explore ourselves. We get to deepen our internal relationship with who and what we really are. And the deeper that relationship goes, the more of a factor it becomes, the more of an influence it becomes, the more load-bearing it becomes in our life.

And the more we act from the place of who and what we really are, we find that our life really starts to match that as well.

That as we shift what we do, we automatically shift what seems to happen to us. We can change the overall tenor of our life by having these sorts of awarenesses. Because deeply felt enough, they can't help but change us. And when we're different and we make different choices. And do different things, and feel different feelings, and think different thoughts, then our lives can't help but be different.

Usually can't help but be better, or at least feel better. But it feels better because it's a match. It feels better because it fits, it fits who we really are, it fits our true nature.

And by exploring these ideas and the awarenesses about who we really are, then we really set ourselves up to live a life that actually matches it.